Exams - Jobs - Summer - Hobbies - So Called Self Care

Hello to the 2 people who read my blog! Welcome back to another entry of the Zoë chronicles. It's been a pretty strange two months, a fun mix of exhilarating/busy and slow/exhausting/never ending/difficult.

The last few weeks of term got quite difficult for me school content wise. It became kind of a LOT of content which coincided with a massive slump in my motivation and general mental well being so it basically felt like an absolutely crushing workload instead of a good healthy challenge to take on. I basically had to drag myself through the last 2 weeks of lectures: it was so hard to not emotionally and physically just check out, especially with so many credit tests happening and exam preparations needing to get underway.

I truly am not sure quite how I managed to pull it out of the hat: especially for Anatomy. Like, good grief, I was so scared for those Anatomy tests/exams and when they came around, I literally thought I'd failed. I didn't know any of the answers, it felt like, and was guessing a bunch of the questions... So my actually pretty decent passing grade surprised me. I was extremely happy with that though because it was definitely the subject I was most scared for! There was just so much content, and it didn't feel like I had the brain capacity for it.

Typically, the exam that has been causing the most trouble is one that shouldn't even be an issue: Zoology. There have been such a large array of problems that taking this exam has dragged on for over a month: I still haven't managed to get it done. There were so many problems with the moodle system crashing, with internet issues, with a TERRIBLE marking system and a very stubborn/unhelpful professor.... I don't even want to go into it too much because I fear I will jinx my retake of it in two weeks. I swear, if it continues to be a drama I will be so mad... with no outlet for said anger. So fingers crossed y'all.

The rest of the exams went by very smoothly which I was so thankful for: even our oral Histology credit test, which scared me a bit, was actually one of the easiest tests we had: I even enjoyed it a little bit! Our histology professor was so lovely this last year, I'm going to miss looking at slides in that class :) Luckily I'm sure there will be no shortage of slides to look at.

In other news, I got a job for the summer (I have absolutely no idea how, considering I have the slovak language skills of a garbage dumpster), so that has been keeping me pretty busy on top of exam studying, etc. I now work for a company sewing quilts for babies and kids: it fluctuates between being a great decision by improving my language skills/getting me out of the house/earning me some money/relaxing by doing my old sewing hobby and being a bit of a nightmare by stressing me out about language skills/taking up the majority of my time/paying me really badly/causing severe psychological anxiety when the boss wants me to sew differently.... so all in all, it's a local adventure and I'm plugging away at it... whatever will come out of that.

I had so many plans for the summer and am starting to stress as we are now basically halfway through June and I've barely started on them! Yikes. I wanted to try and get my driving licence out here, and do a bunch of renovations in the apartment for my grandfather (and me lol). I was also planning on trying to do a little local travel: I haven't left Kosice at all basically, since I got here- and there is so much to see in Slovakia. But things haven't been materialising quite how I envisioned. While trying to be patient and kind with myself, it's been difficult as I truly hate the feeling of falling behind, even if it's just falling behind fake targets you made for yourself. I'm sure you must know the feeling. Everything feels consistently difficult: not to be a perpetual complainer, but can't things just go smoothly for once..!

In any case, I have hope still that at least a few things will be accomplished: maybe once this stupid Zoology exam is done and behind me my brain will be less distracted and freaked out about it.

The truly good points of my life currently have to be being able to see the horse, Hanuška, more. She's been improving so much lately which is so rewarding, and it's nice to be able to form a stronger bond with her and just generally spend more time with her :) I recently managed to find a nice secondhand camera, so am looking forward to getting back into my OG hobby of taking video clips of horses- literally an obsession for teenage me, so it's like an homage to her. Hope she knows I'm thinking of her, the depressed and irrational weirdo.

I also keep making plans for painting and artwork but, predictably, haven't gotten around to anything. Work tires me out so much and I come home and practically collapse on the bed with Bee these days. I truly despise capitalism more with each day. hashtag eat the rich and all that, except I'm genuinely not joking anymore lol

I hope all who read this are looking after themselves even though it's so freaking hard lately (maybe that's just me). Enjoy the sunshine and the blue skies! Give your animals lots of love, don't scroll through too much social media... You know the drill. Book recs for the week include 'Who cooked the Last Supper' for your daily dose of existential dread, 'Tell it to the Bees' for lesbians, Scotland, and bees, and the good old classic ' Silence of the Lambs' which I'm currently rereading. Probably not the best for my psyche but what can you do!

Sorry once again for the rambling post that didn't really have a point, but I did warn you when I said this is my online diary... like you didn't have to read all the way through this if you didn't want to. Won't be offended if you roll on off this blog never to return, like, I get it gyns... I get it.

Stay safe out there y'all.



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